Thursday, April 10, 2008
In 1969 I started a painting under much duress. My home life was null and I loved going to church and the people there were my family. I prayed for a family that would communicate to me and see me for who I was, not who they thought I was to meet their own gratifications. I consider myself to be the scapegoat of my family. Someone who was blamed for things to cover others shame and it served to make the blamers feel better, like it covered their discretions. I was tormented by not being able to speak to them because it only made matters worse. What I did not realize was I hoped for a relationship which could not be met due to unhealthy competition. I did not realize competition inhibits relationships, I did not even know this to be the problem. I really did not understand what was happening, but I was able to express myself with my art. I continued to paint the painting, even after I ran away from home and was gone for weeks. I was found and brought home and confined to "treatment." My therapist was understanding and told me I was strong and would be alright. I went back to my senior high school year and found myself relying on God to get me through the shame, guilt and rejection I felt. I found that Jesus was my strength and realized he was the someone who would and did die for me and I did not need or want for anything else and He did not reject me!
One day, spring semester, I was greeted by many students saying, "Congratulations: Way to go!" I wondered what was up? What now had I done? Upon arriving to art class, I was handed a pile of money by my teacher, Wayne Grethey(I can't find him on the net) and told I needed to name my studio! I told him I didn't have a studio. He asked me if I had a palette of paint and materials to paint on. I replied, "Yes." He told me that I indeed had a studio and I needed to name it. He said find something you like and name it. I asked him, "Why?" He explained to me that I had won a Gold Key in the National Scholastics! I was in disbelief, but then realized that small still voice telling me, "Everything is going to be good!" I found my identity, my self-esteem and had someone to attribute it to for taking me from the dark to the light!
I love flowers. I went to the library and looked up flowers. I loved the towering spikes of the larkspur and it's lovely purplish colors. Larkspur Studio was born in my thoughts. I put it on hold for years and tried to resolve my relational problems elsewhere with other relationships I thought I would be able to make happen and show off to other. My pride was my fall. I always went back to painting though and found a release inspired by God and the gift he gave me to see color and light and expression! When I am down, I remember the feeling of inspiration and recognition I have received and pray for others which may be more talented than I and hope they may find the recognition and love I have found in Christ! I put education as a high priority for persons to be successful and find the knowledge I have found. Education allows one to search for the truth and find it! I have found mine in Christ.
I was reminded of all of this today when I received an email invite to join the Gold Key Society Alliance group page. I am surprised and think it is cool they invited me! This is a wonderful organization which provides scholarships from gifted funds. I urge you to look into gifting to The Scholastic Art & Writing Awards. Education is a means to knowledge, knowledge a means to truth!